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29.11.06 01:28


Dear Aykut...

on 20.july 2005 i saw you first time in my life...i was look in your eyes and i was know : HE`S MY MEN! then on 23.July we did kiss us first time in the night on the beach...i still remember exacly the place....when i think on this first kiss i must smile...my feet did go up and i was like fly...from this moment we was every night together..and we was until almost 6 o´clock on beach...i was feel so saved in your arms-and i was feel you will be a important part of my life...and i was hope, maybe you will be a part from my ALL life...but also i was know it will be not easy when i fly back germany-because then we are to far!!! but i was trust you 100% everybody did say...you trust him?are you dangalak?he work on beach? he is a boy? he cant wait you....but i was trust you 100% !!! and iwas proud-because i was really believe , that i can trust you....                              but after 1 year i learned i was blind...i was blind for love...you did make much somethink! all trust to you was broken....my heart all was broken....i was just think why why why ???what i have done sooo bad on you ? that you break my trust ,my love,our together ,all!!!???? i did just love you-it was my mistake to love you? really still i dont know....then i was say myself ok ...i wanna try again whit him to be together...but we did make just fight-and when i was see you in internet cam ..i did feel just hurt and hate....then i was feel you still have other girls-you didnt learn from your mistake-i did ask you for your new password....but you didnt give me...and then it was enough for me and i was say tamam ...you go your way and i go my way...really i was sure i can forget you ...because i was hate you soooo much...i did never hate a human so much like you...i was try go whit a other boy together-he was nice ,he was really like me so much...i did meet him and we was like together...but just 2weeks..because i did never look him...i was never think on him..i did never want kiss him..when he try to hughs me i was like shaking ...all was different...i was just feel nothing....i was like stone-this make me so scared-because i was to everybody like a stone...friends familie i was just hate all...i did smile whit my face that nobody can see how much my heart cry.....because i didnt want that someone see that i soft....really you have change me....i never was feel nothing...somtimes i was all day and night just in my bed and was look the wall..but i was think nooothing i was like crazy...really i never before feel something like that...you did call me sometimes..first calling i was so angry because you just say delet adress and something...and thats time i was think ...who is he that he call me now...have he no shame to call me after this all???? really i was angry...but then weeks later i was in my bed....i was think...sabrina now you must wake up...you must do something whit your life..you cant be always like died....i was think ok i will be whit my new boyfriend still i will not say bye bye because he is nice maybe i get later feelings for him..i was say sabrina you must delet now all from aykut...almost really i did hat delet you...i was not think all time on you,,,,then in this moments in that i have sit in my bed and have thought this all...exactly in that moment you did call me....then we talk little bit normally..then i start cry and tell you i love you!!! then our talking was finish and i was shocked myself...why i did say that? then i was think ok it was just in that moment i was feel again little bit love ...i want still delet him from my heart...but then you call me from your freinds home and say seni cok seviyorum....then next days you also did call me sometimes...but i was  feel nothing ....i was feel on you really nothing and it did make me scared because still i did feel i cold and this feeling did make me scared from myself...then on 28.november 2006 we did talk in morning in internet also whit cam...first i didnt know what i will talk whit you...still i was hate you....i was think i a nice girl i can talk nice whit him...i mustnt be angry now my all life on him....he have lost the best girl...not i´m the best men ...because i can get better mens for them i enough they dont need many girls....but then i was look you all time in cam...and a day before i was try kill myself...but then i was saw you..i was think first time since soooo long time in my life ia little bit happy that i still life...because when i smile whit you...then its smile from my heart...its not for show otherone that i strong and not sad....i can tell you when i sad i can show you my all feelings i dont shame.....still it will be all difficult our together because i cant come for life in alanya so soon....i need time for that...but for visit you we did say january ....i will really try to do my best that i can come this time for real!!! really i will try my all best....and i hope it will happen that i can see oyu in january-its important now...we must found many answers for our together and we need a lot of talk....of course the trust is not there now for you in my heart....but maybe you understand me 1times and oyu can try be nice and like human get back slowly my trust to you...because whitout trust every love will breake...maaybe not so fast but for sure later......this page i have make for write there my feelings and our history...how we did meet and something like this...i will wirte here soooo long we are together...maybe who knows....maybe i will  write here on this page my all life...maybe you can make me happy...maybe oyu can make it that i can learn that life is wunderfull and not shit...maybe maybe maybe we will see all.....        seni cok seviyorum.....? 

29.11.06 01:18


hmm

29.11.06 00:44


28.11.06 23:12


28.11.06 21:37


28.11.06 17:37


28.november 2006

 

heute habe ich mit aykut nach ca 2monaten pause mal wieder in msn geredet und ihn auch per cam gesehn....wir haben uns schön unterhalten..ich war so froh das ich endlich wieder jemanden hatte den ich erzählen konnte wie ich mich fühl und was ich in letzter zeit alles mitgemacht hab....so wie zb gestern...da war es echt heftig zuhause und mama wollte mich wieder rausschmeißen...naja dann wollte ich nicht mehr ....und das sind einfach so sachen die ich nuur ihm erzählen kann..ich weiß auch nicht warum aber er ist halt in der hinsicht die einnzigste person mit der ich rede und die mich versteht        aufjedenfall die gute nachricht heute ist ich bin wieder mit ihm zusammen!!!ich hoffe echt..ich schaff es wieder ihm zu vertrauen-klar braucht das alles seine zeit aber,der versuch ist es mir wert......denn ich hab einfach gemerkt das ich ihn einfacht nihct ganz vergessen kann...klar sind meine gefühle nicht mehr so stark wie davor ..aber ich werd am 15januar zu ihm fliegen für 2-3wochen länger nicht...und dann werd ich ja sehn ob und was sich noch entwickelt-denn so mit der entfernung werden wir nie glücklich...ich will ihn wieder umarmen....

28.11.06 16:50


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